I Am The Walrus

That’s essentially the quote of the season.

It sucks that I have so much to tell but can’t tell the world just yet. Damn it. Eh, well. All in due time. Keep reading.

2008 ain’t over yet. But I think a lot of people can agree that it wasn’t an awesome year. For one thing, a lot of people died. Mothers and fathers left us. Some got sick, some had loved ones who got sick, some lost their jobs, some were, and perhaps still are, on the verge of losing their jobs.

And if you wrote down all of these bad vibes news this year, they may very well outnumber the good vibes. But the last quarter seems to find Good Vibes kicking major Bad Vibes ass:

1. A friend of mine is getting married. She doesn’t want to tell other people yet because she doesn’t want it to be a big office hoopla. But she’s getting married real soon to a good man who has become our friend. What’s great about it is that I’m a bridesmaid HURRAH! I’ve never been a bridesmaid. Imagine that.

2. Another friend of mine who had a miscarriage early this year is pregnant again. How great is that, right? She went through a difficult time when she lost her baby around August because she blamed herself for her stressful life. But here she is, pregnant again, like God himself saying “Buntis lang pala e, kayang-kaya ko yan.”

3. My dad is fine. God, you have no idea how much it means to me that I can say that now with confidence. I mean his heart is fine — no need to have balloons inserted in his artery or anything — and he’s fine. I just love saying that. My dad’s fine.

4. Money-wise, I’m having a good year. I didn’t win the lottery or anything, it’s just, well, money’s not been a problem. This, despite the fact that I had to put both parents in the hospital, and I took on the house rent, the electric bills and the broadband bills this year. Oh, and in case you forgot, I have a son! Who’s food and clothes and Pokemon action figures and tuitiion fees I have to take on all on my own! And I could still afford that Baguio trip in February, that Matabungkay swim in May, two Nike sportswatches (na hulugan hahaha) and Twilight. I’m pretty blessed in that department.

5. I was also blessed with two very intelligent women to join me in my freshman team this year. It’s a different sort of parenting I have to learn with those two. Being a boss is surreal — that’s why Michael Scott’s so crazy.

6. And then… there’s this thing…. well, not really a thing. More a situation. A circumstance that I’m in right now. Something I’m in the middle of. Like a slow cooking casserole I’m whipping up…. with someone. But, damn it, I can’t tell you. Doesn’t that absolutely suck? But I won’t go there.

Lots of good vibes.

Bihira ko ito gawin, magsulat ng Tagalog. Pero sanhi ng pagbalik sa pinakamamahal kong UP ngayon para manood ng Live AIDS ng Samaskom, nagkaroon ako ng gana na mag-Filipino para sa sanaysay na ito (o “essay” sa Ingles. Walang translation, sa ngayon, ang “blog”).

Ang UP, para ring tourist destination. May kailangan kang puntahan o magawa para masabi mong nagpunta o namalagi ka sa UP. Kailangan naranasan mo nang bumili ng UP shirt sa shopping center. Magsimba sa chapel na mukhang Starship Enterprise. Kumain ng isaw sa harap ng Kalayaan. Kumain sa CASAA, sa beach house (na wala na raw ngayon?), sa Rodic’s sa SC. Manligaw/magpaligaw sa Sunken Garden o Lagoon. Lakarin ang kahabaan ng University Avenue o Kalayaan Avenue kapag State of the Nation Address (SONA) ng sinumang hinayupak na pangulo, na dahil sa mga rallyistang nakakalat sa Commonwealth Avenue na malapit sa Batasan, walang nagsasakay na UP Philcoa jeep o UP Katipunan jeep.

Marami ring source of entertainment sa UP. UP Fair pag Valentine’s. Freshman Orientation-slash-Eraserheads (the happier years) concert pag Hunyo, Lantern Parade at Oblation Run pag pasko.

Nariyan din ang Live AIDS. Isa itong taunang pagtatanghal ng isang student organization, ang UP SAMASKOM na, natural, mga estudyante ng Masscomm. Nalipat ako ng Masscomm circa 1996 pero di ko naisipang sumubok na sumali dito. Grabe daw ang application process. Pahiyaan talaga. Kapag hell week nila, ang mga kawawang neophyte, minsan naka-dracula costume, pumapara ng jeep, para lang tanungin sa driver kung ano oras. Hindi mo naman ikamamatay kung gagawin mo ito, bad trip lang talaga.

Pero pag nanood ka naman ng Live AIDS, maiintindihan mo ang psychological torture na dinadaanan ng mga aplikante. Bawal ang mahiyain. Bawal ang tamad. Bawal ma-caught-off-guard (ano ba Filipino nun?). Kailangan alerto. Kailangan mabilis tumugon sa kapalpakan. Kahit ano mangyari, “it’s on with the show”.

Sa taong ito, siyempre, ang UP centennial ang theme ng Live AIDS. Isang daang taon na ang pinaka-astig na pamantasan sa Pilipinas. Halos kalahati ng tao na nanood, taga-UP kaya lahat ng inside jokes, get ng mga tao. (Kung may karay-karay ka na jowa mong Lasalista, magkakamot lang siya ng ulo at maglalaro ng PSP sa isang sulok habang humahagalpak ka sa kakatawa).

At dahil UP ito, hindi mawawala ang satiriko ng pulitika. May isang komedyante na nag-monologue, Ador Cuntapay ang pangalan (lalake, malamang gusto din ng lalake), akalain mong sa dinami-dami ng gagayahin, si Michelle Obama pa talaga. Si Michelle Obama! Napakahirap para sa isang komedyante na kumuha ng isang karakter na tulad ni Michelle Obama na wala namang galaw o paraan ng pananalita na madaling gayahin. Hindi tulad ni Sarah Palin na pakindat-kindat, papiyok-piyok, at pa-cute nang pa-cute. Pero ang Ador Cuntapay na ito, ang galing, gayang-gaya niya si Michelle Obama. At nakakatawa siya, pero hindi si Michelle Obama ang pagtatawanan mo, siya.

Karamihan sa mga nagtanhal ay mga estudyante pero may umeksena ding alumni tulad ni Tuesday Vargas at Giselle Sanchez. Si Tuesday Vargas, nasa ABS pa lang siya, gusto ko na siya. Para siyang babaeng Vhong Navarro — sila ang mga lihim kong pinagdadasal kay Lord na sana lumipat na ng GMA. Si Tuesday, medyo tumawid bakod na. Si Vhong, kailangan pa ng marami-raming novena.

Itong linggong ito, para akong loka-lokang paikot-ikot, patakbo-takbo, dahil sa obligasyon at mga pangarap. Sabado ngayon, andito ako sa Starbucks Tomas Morato, kasama si Twilight (na nagpapakitang gilas kasi medyo mabilis na siya ngayon), masakit ang ulo ko sa antok at pagod, pero medyo masaya ako dahil bumalik ako sa UP at naalala ko ang buhay ko noon sa UP. Hindi lang pala medyo masaya. Basta masaya.

ANGIOGRAM. This word has been floating around the house since August when my dad’s doctor said that his weakened heart may be caused by blocked arteries. The doctor said he needed an angiogram “semi-urgently” but was then quick to add that “your dad might have a heart attack”. Oh, great. So that’s why it was semi-urgent. If he had said “your dad WILL have a heart attack” then it would be super-urgent.

But there was the problem of money — mostly the lack of it. Some doctors quoted 20k, some 50k, we went through this crazy dance with probably three or four doctors, one imbecile even said we simplye couldn’t afford it and we should try his alternative medicine involving lasers. (Don’t trust quack doctors, people. It’s easy to spot them.)

Am I broke? Well, no. But does anyone really keep money for the occasional angiogram? Fine, I save very little. But I still could shell out the dough, but it would entail certain processes (e.g. loans)

It has become such a problem that my mom worried about it so much that she ended up in the hospital before my dad did, having been confined for hypertension shortly before my birthday.

When we finally settled on the doctor and the hospital and the amount, we still had the problem of what’s going to happen next? Doctors, bless their souls, they probably mean well, but they scare the crap out of you to push you into action. “He’s going to need either an angioplasty (Price Tag: P100,000) or a bypass (Price Tag: P500,000)“.  And it still wouldn’t guarantee that he would be better.

Today, we finally faced the scary angiogram monster. As the two (flirty male) nurses wheeled my dad into the operating room, I walked back towards the elevator, wiping away tears, trying to be strong for when I face my mother who was left in his room. My dad’s always been superman — the big man of the house, who could lift anything, fix anything, fight with anyone, solve anything. And now his body parts need an overhaul.

I left to fix some school stuff for Cojie while my mother texted me about the developments. After an hour, I called my mother. My dad had been wheeled back in.

“Wala, walang bara” my mom said “Hindi kailangan ng angioplasty (Price Tag: P100,000) o bypass (Price Tag: P500,000)”. My dad apparently cried in delight. I should probably cry about his crying, but not right now, I suppose. Maybe later tonight when it overwhelms me.

And then I opened today’s newspaper, and an ad for a mall read “Happy Thanksgiving. Count your blessings.” Today’s thanksgiving. I totally forgot about that.

Isn’t that apt? That’s all I’ve been doing all day.

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Thank you for my family and my friends who even through something as simple as texts, I am comforted through the ordeal of this week. Exag ba ko? Angiogram lang, e! But honestly, I hate hospitals. Which is ironic because when I’m in the hospital (meaning I’m the one confined) I absolutely love it, with the constant parade of nurses every hour, attention whore that I am. (Yes! Somebody has called me that. Charming, ain’t it?). But when it’s my parents or my kid, GADAMIT, my world just crumbles. And i’m ten times needier than usual (which is ten times needier than a normal person) for my friends’ comforting.

So I’m thankful for that, too. For those whose sincere affection never wanes, despite obstacles — like their own work issues, family shite, distance — thank you so, so much.

Boys and Girls, meet Twilight.

Twilight is my spanking new laptop, an Acer Aspire One. The best way I could describe her is that she’s like a supermodel — beautiful yet slow. So slow, she thinks I type too fast. This paragraph alone I typed without seeing the letters flash before me (ayan na…. lumabas na….)

But I don’t care. I got her dirt cheap (so a supermodel-slash-prostitute I guess) and she’s sleek and beautiful, kind of like a junior Macbook.

So here I am, making “binyag” to my newest baby. She joins my equally shiny (but cracked up) Motorola Krzr K1, who I named Michael Scofield.

(Wala pa kasing kotseng papangalanan e. Tsktsktsk.)

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I want to see Tina Fey be funny. I want to see Alan Rickman be scary. I want Vhong Navarro to dance for me. I want Michael Buble to croon for me. I want Chiz Escudero to grill morons in Senate hearings for me. But who do I want to belt for me?

Lea Salonga.

This woman has broken my heart a million times. Her wedding was shown on ABS. She’s always on ASAP. I think she was even in an ABS Christmas plug once. But, damn it, when she sings, I know it’s her. I can hear it from a distance of five hundred miles. It’s like a whistle only dogs can hear. I’m the dog.

I (finally) bought her new album “Inspired” (she won over Regine’s, MYMP’s, Nina’s and Kyla’s albums as my choices when I was at Odyssey) because, like Michael Buble, Lea has a calming effect on my knotted up nerves.

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Cojie bought a batsuit as his costume for Bookweek this week (of which I have been invited to a parent-reading. Ahem, ahem). But he’s submitting Adarna Books’ (naks naman Fiona!) “Noong Unang Panahon“. A retelling of the creation of the universe as told by…. Batman. My son trumps my imagination ten-fold.

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I was with an old college buddy today. Without getting into details, I basically learned of what has happened to him in the last six or seven years through a piece of paper. And at some point I paused and looked at him. Here’s a guy who is like an all-around, so dependable good guy and he’s gone through all of that crap. And I think about all the others in our org (that radical, eccentric org of….. Math majors) and all we’ve been through — broken hearts, broken families, careers destroyed, health problems, etc. — and it saddened me that we’ve all grown up. We’re all crummy adults now. And we didn’t have the strength of the group to hold us up throughout the crises.

But we find each other again and it’s never really too late. Besides, there’s more to celebrate now. We’ve SURPASSED all that crap. And now we can afford to lounge in Dome and CPK in Shangri-la and laugh off our past.

It’s the best feeling in the world, when you can just laugh at your mistakes.

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Sumakay nga sa eroplano. Iba naman niliparan. Anak ng pating.

MAMA AJIE:             O, ano natatandaan mo kanina sa Madagascar?

COJIE:                        Ano?

MAMA AJIE:              Ano natatandaan mong eksena?

COJIE:                        Oksena?

MAMA AJIE:              EKSENA! Scene! Anong part natatandaan mo?

COJIE:                        (Thinks) Ay, oo, yung kausap ni Alex yung Lolo  niya?

MAMA AJIE:              Lolo niya?

COJIE:                        Oo, Lolo.

MAMA AJIE:              Hindi Lolo, tatay niya yun

COJIE:                        Tatay?
MAMA AJIE:             (Eeek. Don’t go there) Tapos ano pa?

COJIE:                        Tapos kausap ni Alex di ba yung Ate niya?

MAMA AJIE:              (wrinkles nose) Anoh???

COJIE:                        Yun Ate niya, kausap niya.

MAMA AJIE:              (Scratches head. Did we see the same movie???)

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MAMA AJIE:              Iliketomoveitmoveit (points to Cojie)

COJIE:                        Youliketomoveitmoveit (point to Mama Ajie)

MAMA AJIE:              Helikestomoveitmoveit (points to Cojie)

COJIE:                        We like to…

Mom&Son:                 MOVE IT!

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MAMA AJIE:              Ano nagustuhan mo sa movie?

COJIE:                        Movie?

MAMA AJIE:              Oo, ang tawag dun movie.

COJIE:                        Gusto ko lahat…. Si Alex… si Melman…. Si Gloria…. (perfect na sana e!) tsaka si Marky….

MAMA AJIE:              Marty, hindi Marky. Marky, si Marky Cielo yun. Sumasayaw yun.

COJIE:                        (laughs uncontrollably. Ewan ko kung baket)

MAMA AJIE:              O, ano nagustuhan mo sa kanila?

COJIE:                        Yung bumabagsak yung eroplano nila tapos nakakapit sila tapos nung bumagsak na nakaganito sila o (recreates the shocked expression of Alex/Melman/Gloria/Marty)

MAMA AJIE:              (laughs uncontrollably)

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COJIE:                        Ma…. Ma…. Tignan mo yun o.(points his finger)

MAMA AJIE:              (Doofus that I am, I turn my head towards the direction he was pointing) Ano yun? (I turn my head back, and his finger is digging in my cheek)

COJIE:                        (Laughs like a maniac)

Oh Dane. I’m not even writing this one. You do the talking.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i4nsI02gnUk&feature=related

This year has been so exhausting, even my Saturdays are filled to the brim.

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12mn was the tail-end of a three-hour videoke session over at the studio apartment of my longtime girlfriend and dance-partner-for-life, GTQ. (We may hardly see each other because of our schedules, but when GMPI parties, she and I just gravitate towards each other on the dance floor). We started out, of course, with Tinaputi’s signature videoke-session-opener “Crazy for You”.

GTQ is one of the rare citizens of this country blessed with a Magic Sing. Gotta love it. Only in the Philippines would people buy a microphone worth P8,000 — which is, by the way, minimum wage — that has a catalog of more than a thousand songs so they can sing their hearts out until dawn.

Here’s how valuable this gadget is: Annual Christmas party. Raffles. They give away TVs and we’re clapping . They give away ipods and we’re clapping. But when they give away that one Magic Sing, we are on our feet, screaming at each other, crossing our fingers, holding our breath as the veep picks out the lucky name. “Gen Torrejos!!!!!”

As for me, my videoke staple choices are Alanis Morrissette and Mariah Carey, who in music terms don’t exist on the same planet.

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10am, got Cojie’s card. Teacher tells me two things: that my son dances fabulously and that he’s second in his class. Which, to me, also means two things: he’s his mother’s son and that he’s going to be a virgin until he’s 25.

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1pm, got absolutely lost in Paco, Sta. Ana on the way to my soon-to-be-missus-girlfriend’s house to have us bridesmaids get measured for our gowns. The best part is having all five of us together: TDL, RT, MP, TB and myself, with our schedules and crazy lives getting in the way of even coffee.

I especially missed MP who left GMA a few years ago and who hardly ever sees us anymore. My little sister girlfriend has a love problem. Well, poor girl always has a love problem haha. But with this one…. ah hell, I didn’t know what else to say but slap on a condom. 

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4pm. Was supposed to watch Madagascar2 “Iliketomoveitmoveit!”) in Powerplant in Rockwell but I didn’t want to go home so late. We just decided to sit and have coffee and watch the rich and famous walk by. Powerplant is all adorned with Christmas stuff now, it’s beautiful. And a little sad too. Hayyy, Pasko na naman.

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7pm, hurried back home for my sibling equivalent, Bojie’s 29th birthday. Can you believe it? The little boy I used to pick on and push around is on his last stretch in his twenties. And I still pick on him.

So tired.

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There’s so much emotion in me right now. Such overwhelming emotion over a situation that should seem familiar — and therefore, I should be cautious about— but I’m really hoping isn’t.  This feels real for me. This feels sincere. It feels true, even. Real, sincere, true.  That’s how I can best describe it.

I remember an X-files episode where Jose Chung goes “It’s amazing for a writer to know that hypnotism can be such a powerful tool with nothing but the use of words. Mere words.”

I get that now.

Love, love, love sitting in the same room as G, J and D. Makes me feel so special, like stepping on Mount Olympus. I was probably the only person in the room without a Volvo (not even a puny Picanto which I’ve wanted to have for so, so long). There’s an awesome feeling to be in the same discussion as the guys who sign your paychecks. Makes spending it worthwhile.

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I haven’t been on my desk and seen the people around my desk for so long they thought I was on vacation. I feel like I should be slapping on roller skates. I’ve been running around all week.

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Obama won. Take that, Maverick and Hockey Mom!

(Though I will miss Tina Fey’s Alaskan accent)

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Here’s the enigma for the day: how can a guy declare (in so many words) deep affection for a woman one day and completely ignore her the next? I don’t get it. It’s not on the manual.

I wrote this a while back….

“1. Never, ever put your faith in conversations made through a gadget”

http://anagrrrl.blog.friendster.com/2007/02/ten-things-i-learned-last-week/

Right. Pass the ketchup please.