I Am The Walrus

Soon, people will know about this blog. http://nappykaye.blogspot.com. A simple little blog that would probably get 100-200 hits in the past would soon hit the thousands because it’s going to play a role in a recent domestic issue between the deputy national security adviser (and here I am wondering, was there EVER a post called “deputy national security adviser” before? or did they just make that up?) and his lover.

The writer of this blog is the quiet victim in the midst of this craziness. She is the wife of the lover’s lover, a good-looking man who is not satisfied with just looking at himself in the mirror to know that he’s good-looking, he needs other women to tell him that.

When I read her blog, I nod my head in empathy. I know what she’s going through. I know the feeling of stalking and being tempted to stalk. I know the espionage behind the whole cheating machine — the new numbers on the phone, the shady emails, the profile views on your friendster, the ghost calls in the office. It’s torture enough that the man you love is bedding another woman (and another and another), it’s further torture to be studied like a goldfish in an aquarium and comfort yourself in the little things that you think you (the other woman) are better at.

I have no respect for men who cheat. I think they’re stupid. I think they’re sad. They have not achieved anything in their lives (when I think about it, the cheaters that I’ve known/met had sucky jobs and blah salaries) that they substitute that with the women who tell them they love them. They collect “I love you’s” for the fun of it.

In the blog, I read an entry about how the cheating man’s own daughter said “I don’t want to marry a man like you”. That kid is damaged forever. That mother is going to be perpetually paranoid while that daughter will be perpetually suspicious of (a) every man her mother dates and (b) every man she herself dates. Talk about bearing baggage.

But hey, nobody can hurt you unless you let them. (As cool as that sounds, you can’t quote me on that. Eleanor Roosevelt said that.) You can continue to be in the mockery of a relationship that is your marriage, or sever all ties with this monster and start off fresh. Altogether now: YOU DESERVE BETTER.

Can’t believe I haven’t blogged in a while. Nothing like melancholy and boredom to bring me back to writing.

I’ve said this before, I think things are happening to me just so I can write about it. God will put me in the weirdest, most awkward situations, allow me to feel a range of emotions — from happiness to sadness to anger to confusion to rage — just so that I can someday sit down and write about it.

I should be thankful.

I should be thankful that this year has been (and continues to be )a year of changes for me — from work to personal life to travel to my own health — so many things are happening, that I don’t really know what will happen next.

As always, the universe draws me back to my place of comfort — the bookstore. I found a book called “The Zen Commandments” by Dean Sluyter. Google it, it’s an awesome read. From the very first chapter, it will rock you to your core.

“Rest in Openness” he says. Allow the forces of the universe to maneuver you instead of trying (usually with futility) to maneuver it.

“No Appointment, no disappointment.” Don’t set your sights on something that hasn’t happened yet. Even if you’re mind is set on going to Shang-rila this evening for dinner but the boss calls you in for a 7pm meeting, let go of the Shang-rila dinner in your mind. All plans are really just theories until they actually happen.

“Enjoy now”. Don’t think of your life as empty because of the things that you are or have not. (This one is tricky). The dream salary, the dream job, the dream boyfriend — they’re all just in the way of enlightenment. When you learn to love everything that you are/have/can be right now, everything else is gravy.

These words, this book, is fitting at a time when my life is so filled with uncertainty that I might find myself a better or worse person after this year is finished. And everyday, I worry and worry and worry. And hearing these words (words I already know but just need to be reminded of), it’s liberating.

Ok, universe, give it all you got. I’m waiting.