Hayyyy….
There really is such as thing as congruence in the universe.
I had dinner with a friend the other day. She was bothered about her boyfriend who was going through an annulment, and who had two kids from that marriage. She loved the guy sincerely — and I also know the guy from way back, so I’d like to think that he truly loves her — but she’s a single woman in her early thirties and I completely understand that an instant family would freak her out. Being a girlfriend, as it is, is enough trouble, what more having to think of the welfare of two kids you hardly know.
And I wanted to speak to her from the point of view of the boyfriend — the single parent, like me. I wanted to tell her what he was feeling right now, what he’s thinking of.
I think he’s thinking, “I’m a parent and I have responsibilities as a parent, but the fact that I’m also single and seeking a meaningful relationship is separate from that. My child/ren is/are my own … for now. I just want someone to talk to at the end of the day. I just want to watch a movie and have dinner and sip coffee for an hour, make jokes, gossip about people, debate on ideologies. That’s it. I’d love to have a wife/husband, sure — this parenting thing is HAARRRRDDD. But it’s going to take years to decide that. I’m selfish about my child/ren. I’m not about to share him/them so easily. In a nutshell— you’re dating me. You deal with me. That’s all. That’s it.”
As much as I understood her, I was also saddened that she had trouble about him having kids and having to deal with the kids later on, as they got more and more serious. I couldn’t help but project (can you project inward?) and think of myself and how the next guy I’m dating is going to feel, especially if he’s a single man in his early thirties. Is this going to be a recurring cycle? He gets too close, freaks out then pulls away?
This guy could be the most amazing guy in the world, have everything she ever wanted in a man, make her happy beyond her wildest dreams, and she would still keep her distance. I feel for him. No matter what he does, it’s always going to end up like this.
Unless we single parents hook up with each other, like Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy. Interesting….
