I Am The Walrus

Monday

Had lunch with my good friend Fifi at Greens. We ate food that was mostly grass and leaves. We had an appetizer that tasted like paper dashed with jalapeno powder. Spicy paper is still paper. (In my frustration, I bought Doritos on the way back to work).

I also suggested a theory on Global Warming. It’s the collective heat of the pent up “frustration” of all the single women of the world. So congress and the UN should get us all boyfriends to stop this global disaster.

Tuesday

Was called into a meeting. “Ana, sama ka dito sandali“. That was 10am. The meeting ended 630pm. Yes, “sandali” means seven and a half hours in Filipino.

Wednesday

There’s a sense of fulfillment and pride when you sit in a meeting and people throw in words like “the bailout“, “obama“, “palin vs. biden“, “income elasticity“, “gross regional domestic product” alongside words like “nag-away si richard at si aljur dahil kay jewel“.

I love my job.

Thursday

A hundred screaming, crying, running, tripping, drooling, sweating kids tore into the office for our yearly trick-or-treat. I gave away melamine-free wafers and cookies.

“Where’s Cojie?” I was asked. I decided not to bring him this year because my parents are still not in the right condition to be running after a toddler. And I had to work.

My family and I had dinner that night anyways. I like Cojie to myself.

Friday

Half Day. Half Day. Half Day. Half Day. Half Day. It was like a rain dance. If you think about it long and hard enough, those collective thoughts summon the gods and so they can do the impossible: You Can Go Home Now.

And we did.

Next up: Leg Wax and a pedicure.

There really is such as thing as congruence in the universe.

I had dinner with a friend the other day.  She was bothered about her boyfriend who was going through an annulment, and who had two kids from that marriage. She loved the guy sincerely — and I also know the guy from way back, so I’d like to think that he truly loves her — but she’s a single woman in her early thirties and I completely understand that an instant family would freak her out. Being a girlfriend, as it is, is enough trouble, what more having to think of the welfare of two kids you hardly know.

And I wanted to speak to her from the point of view of the boyfriend — the single parent, like me. I wanted to tell her what he was feeling right now, what he’s thinking of.

I think he’s thinking, “I’m a parent and I have responsibilities as a parent, but the fact that I’m also single and seeking a meaningful relationship is separate from that. My child/ren is/are my own … for now. I just want someone to talk to at the end of the day. I just want to watch a movie and have dinner and sip coffee for an hour, make jokes, gossip about people, debate on ideologies. That’s it. I’d love to have a wife/husband, sure — this parenting thing is HAARRRRDDD. But it’s going to take years to decide that. I’m selfish about my child/ren. I’m not about to share him/them so easily. In a nutshell— you’re dating me. You deal with me. That’s all. That’s it.”

As much as I understood her, I was also saddened that she had trouble about him having kids and having to deal with the kids later on, as they got more and more serious. I couldn’t help but project (can you project inward?) and think of myself and how the next guy I’m dating is going to feel, especially if he’s a single man in his early thirties. Is this going to be a recurring cycle? He gets too close, freaks out then pulls away?

This guy could be the most amazing guy in the world, have everything she ever wanted in a man, make her happy beyond her wildest dreams, and she would still keep her distance. I feel for him. No matter what he does, it’s always going to end up like this.

Unless we single parents hook up with each other, like Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy. Interesting….

In this cruel, cruel world we single girls live in, girlfriends are God’s way of helping us cope. Wait. Does that sound too lesbian too you? Eh, you know what I mean.

The scarcity of eligible, single men is more than adequately made up for by the abundance of amazing, amazing girlfriends. And I am blessed with the following women of various degrees of neuroses:

FF is a rock. Not because she’s hard and unfeeling (in fact, she cries at the movies) but because she’s the person to lean on. She also can’t help but have people gravitate towards her like the pull from the earth’s core (sorry, FF, if my definition seems geologic. Luv u.) She is also one of the funniest people I know, someone who can make even the most dire situations hilarious. I hardly see her cry, and when I see her cry, I get mad because it must have been something (or SOMEONE) awful that made her cry.  And I usually have the compulsion to punch people in the face.

TDL is a free spirit. Think Dharma of Dharma and Greg. She loves to party and loves to have fun. We have the same difficulties in life (i.e. supporting our families, blah salaries) but she can detach herself from that and be hopping on a plane to Boracay the next minute. She doesn’t let the injustices of life affect her. Put a magic sing in her hand and she’s good.

LC is a friend of mine from highschool, someone I hardly talk to nowadays, but someone I surprisingly have a lot in common with, one of which is our frightening affection for television characters. (Danny and Lindsay! Danny and Lindsay!). What I love about her is her idealism. Not just idealism, but faith. While I am the typical person who jumps the void, takes chances and gets hurt in the process, LC lets things happen to her as they come.

TG is an even older friend of mine (not by age, but by how far we go back) who I’ve known for almost 25 years (scary, ain’t it). TG and I shared a passion for one thing when we were kids — dancing. What tunes? I can’t tell you. You’ll laugh at us. But here’s the irony — TG works for the Dark Side…. I mean, the Other Network. So now when we see each other, it’s even more interesting as we gamely berate each other’s networks. (“Ang pangit ng Pinoy Idol”. “Bading naman si P_olo”)

SM and I both left BS Math and transferred to Communication Research, and along with LL, we were the elite group of “former Math Majors” in our batch (elite because we alienate people, and they alienate us haha). I never thought I’d be close to SM and LL because I thought they didn’t party as hard as I did. Was I wrong, especially about SM, whose charm for the male of the species is astounding (translation: active sex life haha). I could always turn to SM and LL for the straight, no-nonsense answers. They could say “Ang tanga mo kasi” and I wouldn’t feel offended. To think they’re both shorter than me.

TB is the caring mother-figure. If we all lived in a house, TB would be the one picking up the clothes sprawled on the bed and tending to us when we’re sick. TB, like SM, can also be very frank (and strict!) and tells me exactly what’s on her mind without the need to be politically correct. TB is also one of the few people I can talk to about God and faith and prayer.

JF is one of my “secret” girlfriends. Which doesn’t mean that I’m cheating on my real girlfriends, but because not a lot of people know that we’re pretty tight. I’d like to think of JF as one of the next generation GMA bigwigs, she’s intelligent and insightful and creative. Our discussions are a mixture of meaningful discourse and entertaining (work-related) gossip. Parang 24 Oras.

AG, CDA, CTM and AY are teammates-slash-girlfriends, which is, frankly a difficult thing for me to have as I prefer detaching myself from people I work with. But these girls are just stubborn — and I mean that in a good way. I credit AG and CDA for bringing out the noisy person in me (I’m usually quiet when I’m working hehe), and I credit CTM and AY for keeping me grounded.

I also have little-sister girlfriends, ladies who are younger than me by both age and mental state. (Isip-bata, but in an entertaining way). MP drove her car right in front of a scramble vendor so we can get two cups of scramble. RM, who I had lunch with yesterday, is noisy and tomboyish. MP, in an attempt to lose weight, would eat nothing but crackers and tuna for lunch — and have crispy pata and Coke for dinner. Yesterday, before lunch, I bought RM headbands because she asked me to. Yet, I have so much respect for these two girls, just because they’ve kept their youthful selves despite the struggles.

GS is my online girlfriend who I usually get to talk to through email, our website, or through text. She could be artificial intelligence and I wouldn’t know about it. But nothing about her intelligence is artificial — duh, class valedictorian? Funny class valedictorian. How many of you guys have that? Valedictorians are usually dire and snotty.  Ours are far from that.

And finally, AM. If I were to peddle a girlfriend to the men of the world like in an auction, it would be AM. I love all my other girlfriends, but the fact that AM is still single is BEYOND me. Don’t guys love it when you can make a girl laugh? Laugh is all AM does 50% of her day! (She’s not insane… I’m just saying she laughs easily). You just have to buy her shoes all the time, but what’s a thousand bucks a week? AM is the Tina Fey to my Amy Poehler.  Or the Amy Poehler to my Tina Fey. Eh, you be the judge.

Tina Fey as Sarah Palin, Amy Poehler as Hilary Clinton

What do you say, boys? Take your pick.