I Am The Walrus

The last four weeks have been … well, I don’t want to be lost in translation, so I’ll use the more apt Filipino term….. NGARAGGGG. (Yup. Four G’s for four weeks).

In CSI terms, I’m like a lab tech. Scratch that, let’s use Bones as a reference point (Have you seen David Boreanaz? He is too beautiful for words….). In Bones terms, I’m a Squint. Most of the time, I stay at the office. But recent events and new responsibilities that came with the title gave me the privilege to get out on the field — something I’ve been wanting for so long but now making me realize that you really should be careful what you wish for.

Now, at least twice in a week, I’m out in the field, wearing corporate clothes, wearing make-up. This isn’t a permanent thing (I think) but I expect this to happen until the end of September. But, long story short, I’ve been out a lot.

Today, I was at Citibank Tower in Makati for a presentation to a pharmaceutical company. My portion of the presentation was over so I excused myself to go to the restroom. On my way there, a cutie Caucasian geeky looking guy (think Paul Adelstein of Private Practice, or season one of Prison Break) walked past me and smiled. So I smiled back. When I got to the restroom, I fixed my hair, my dress, wishing in my head “Please please please I hope he’s still outside”.

I step out of the restroom and who do I see? A former fling.

Now, I’ve had flings I dare not talk about but this one in particular still leaves a sting whenever I see him. It was a matter of one person not feeling as much affection as the other i.e. I likey him, he don’t likey me.

The last time he saw me, I was 160 lbs. This morning, he saw me, all glammed up for the presentation, make-up and hair tied up neatly, with the clickity-clack of flowery high-heels — and thirty pounds less.

You know what hurt? There was still nothing. Me still likey him. He still don’t likey me.

And there’s a moment of triumph when he acknowledged that I looked good but a moment of rejection right after when he bade me goodbye. I guess no matter how I look, I’ll always be a toad to at least one person in this world.

It destroys me sometimes. Stupid rain. I wish I could jog.