Viruses
First Joy. Then me. Then Fafi. The plague has consumed us.
This one goes out to Fafi.
Forgiveness is cathartic. It’s true, that cliche, that when you forgive, it’s not the offender who achieves peace but you, the offended. There is a Zen-ness about forgiveness — especially if it’s an offense too harsh to comprehend — when it is given away freely, as a moral decision, without giving it a single thought.
I think in your mind, you still believe that "She took what’s mine". In your mind, you believe "She’s my bestfriend, how could she do this to me". And all your anger and hatred was poured towards her. So you confronted her. You had successfully let out all that bottled up emotion. I applaud you for that. And that’s why your anger towards her has died down.
But I say this: what she took was not an object. It was a thinking, feeling, and not-good-looking human being, who was supposed to have devoted himself to you. She wouldn’t have "stolen" him if he didn’t let himself be stolen. If she betrayed your friendship, he betrayed your love.
And it bewilders my mind that you don’t realize this. He cheated on you. Be mad at the friend for taking something that’s yours, but hell, be mad at the lover who didn’t put up a damn fight.
Like you. Like Joy. Like ME! We all deserve more than these losers we’ve poured our affections to. And sometimes the hardest thing to do is not to forgive other people but to forgive ourselves.
I prefer to take a passive role in this thing, like a host to a parasite. Nobody ever said we’ll always attract winners.
